The Downward Spiral: November - March

The end of September 2008 ended up being a peak for me (or very near that). I had a good October, but come mid-November ALL spare time dried up. Initially this meant that I didn't have time to leave work early and visit my crossfit gym. I was able to keep some activity level by following the Starting Strength program in my local NYSC.

My membership to the NYSC expired on December 30th, but I had stuck with the program well and was feeling as strong as ever. Come January I was disappointed to find myself even busier than the last two months. Fortunately an office move put me very close to another NYSC; I can literally leave my desk and be in a locker room in two minutes. I signed up for a month-by-month rate, hoping to quit soon and return to crossfit, but maintain some strength (and sanity) until then. Although I didn't care for the lack of real equipent (dozens upon dozens of treadmills but only one 'rack') or the trainers (yes, I know how to squat safely), I kept at it. For about two weeks.

Then I learned what working a lot really meant. Slowly (quickly) but surely I ran out of time to even think about going downstairs to work out. At my desk at 10am, barely look up until midnight, go home, sleep a solid 8 and repeat. There was no lull in the day, no chance to workout, and all I could think about was how much more work there was to do. This continues today.

Needless to say, cooking my own, paleo food stopped a long time ago. I tried a mostly paleo friendly diet for the rest of 2008 post-Thanksgiving. This was also a Starting Strength geared diet. Actually, I would buy a gallon of milk and a whole roasted chicken every day and eat it all. I also cooked some eggs and sardines or something for breakfast. Occasionally I ate other things. Overall, mass amounts of protein and fat. It was great actually, and suits SS well.

Come 2009 things started to slide A LOT. The new office put me a bit farther from Whole Foods, and no where near an office refridgerator for many weeks. Enter: taco salads, pizza, sandwiches, kebabs. Enter deli-style egg/sausage/english muffin breakfast. Enter pizza/burger/pizza-burger/burger-pizza dinners with the whole team at the office Enter 20 more pounds of me since that sober September. And enter a shit-ton of coffee. In all, I've made up for a good month or two of clean eating and living with several more months of American-style slow death.

Fortunately, a solid grounding in paleo and zone principles has reduced the damage. I rarely eat sugar and never take it in my coffee. I never eat carb-majority meals; although the quality (and quanity) of the fats and proteins that I intake now are questionable. I could definitely be worse off. And I was a fanatic about long, high quality sleep. I kept my room perfectly dark and got at least eight hours a night. Until about March, then I needed to be at my desk before the market opens, eg 9am.

Today it is March eighteenth. Its probably been two solid months since I've stepped foot in even my NYSC. Its been three since I've been to Crossfit and four since I've crossfitted regularly. Its been six months since the sober september (holy shit), and three since I've been able to eat any degree of paleo/zone/healthy.

So now I am overweight, weak, out of shape, probably under-slept, and can't remember how to cook for myself. Crossfit.com emailed me yesterday because I had to pay the rest of my $1k registration fee for the Level 1 certification at cfsbk this week, or forfeit my spot. I had hoped to be on the road back to fitness by now, but time flies when I can't believe its almost spring already, so... whatever. I think this absurd crunch-time at work may be easing up soon (which I've thought ever week for almost half a year now), which is great because I really shouldn't go to a Level 1 cert without having seen a barbell in the last fiscal quarter.

Regardless, the last several months, as destructive as they have been for my fitness goals (see you never, 2009 East Coast Qualifier), work has actually been really great. I've grown and learned and done so much that I barely missed hitting the gym everyday, or, you know, the changing of the seasons. But now (please let it be now) its time to find a balance. Work isn't as much of a goal or committment as it is an adventure/challenge/fun time/disaster/awesome/chance to make a difference in something (that something being efficient trading processes). I love the job. But I don't have a five year plan in my head that involves making it to a certain point in my career. I don't have a career mapped out. I love what I do and I want to keep on doing it and grow my company in outrageous ways.

Ever since I found crossfit though, fitness and health have become part of my long term vision. I knew after the first few workouts-probably even before that-that I wanted to be a part of this. And that this is how I wanted to live. And I'm really looking forward to getting back to that.

So, with any luck, and, or, effort, and, or sacrifice on my part, I will return to that very soon. Hopefully soon enough that I don't embarrass myself at the certification that I'm definitely attending and have paid in full.

And the moral of the story is: at least I loved what I was doing 100% percent of the time, whether it was getting fit and learning how to take care of myself, or getting fat and learning how to be awesome at work. Seriously though, can't I have both?

Taking a Running Jump Off the Wagon

So the first lunch wasn't bad, and actually dinner wasn't either. The beer was though.

I went to the Petite Abeille, a Tribeca Belgian restaurant with a great burger. Its a big burger, plenty of protein, ok. However, the bun is probably all the carbs you need after that, the fries take it further, and the beers skew this meal towards 80% carbs.

I actually started drinking at the office after-hours and was definitely feeling it after two beers, although that's not completely unusual when I'm not eating. I had four or five at the office, another three or four at the restaurant, half a beer tower (beer towers are 100 ounces of beer) at the Mudville and I think I split a pitcher at the Patriot.

It was a lot of fun and I'm glad to be back in the drinking game. Drinking is fun, and although sometimes I'll make real sacrifices to pursue some fitness or dietary goal, I doubt I'll ever want to live a life without alcohol.

I don't know how late I drank or what time I got home, but I slept like a rock until 10 AM, which comes in as "quite late" for getting to the office. I was definitely still a little drunk on waking and have been dealing with that off-balance feeling all day. I don't usually get anything resembling a hangover, but a high-volume drinking night and waking up drunk usually makes me feel kind of out of it, like I'm not fully strapped in on a roller coaster or something.

Other than that, I really haven't felt any adverse effects from the change in diet. My alcohol tolerance is down a bit, but I don't think its affected nearly as much as most of my friends predicted.

Now I'm off to start a weekend of non-stop drinking and meat eating at Notre Dame. Should be fun.

The Irresponsible-diet October

Not the full month, just through the first weekend.

Yesterday's lunch was the first real meal off-diet. I went to Joe's, a great, local steam-tray pay by the pound style deli. I used to eat a Joe's all the time pre-diet; their stuff is good and seems like its prepared well, without a bunch of crap like HFCS and trans-fat oils.

It was weird. I laid down the ceasar salad base that I usually get--the vinegar in this would be my first highly acidic food. They were out of the salmon so I went with the sesame chicken for protein. I'm pretty sure there's some kind of sugar in the sesame glaze they put on this stuff, so that would be my first sugar.

Looking around I had a hard time finding other stuff to throw in; usually I'm piling on chicken salad and tuna. My eyes found the steamed broccoli and carrots and I literally got excited. This has never happened before. It was like finding something familiar that I knew I'd like, almost like comfort food. The same thing happened with the raw peppers, onions and strawberries. The real food just looked so good and appealing. I knew the other stuff was good--I've had it all before--but the fruits and vegetables just had that appeal.

Although Joe's has the best cottage cheese I've ever had, I decided to re-introduce these food groups slowly so I could see if they produced any interesting effects on my body.

Now I usually go for zone-like portions from Joe's, and I realized when I got back to my desk that this lunch was definitely not too close on the zone front. Way more than five ounces of chicken, and besides the sesame glaze, probably light on carbs. I don't know how much fat was in the dressing, but probably not enough.

I had a few surprises while eating; for one the croûtons were weird. Its hard to describe, they didn't really taste any different than I remembered and they were good, but they felt really foreign.

Also, despite getting close to a pound and a half of food, I felt hungry as I finished the meal. I think this was the insulin response (from the sesame glaze) that I've read about didn't fully understand until then. My stomach wasn't empty and definitely should not have been sending "feed me" signals to the brain. Maybe I just got really used to eating something north of six cups of raw vegetables and expected to be more full. What I think happened though was that my body kicked out insulin to deal with the sugar, which is known to make you feel hungry, even if you've just eaten. I'm not doing a great job of explaining this, but that reaction to the first meal has changed the way I think about dieting and insulin's role in it. I'll probably reread some parts of Mastering the Zone to expand my understanding, but I can really see how insulin can play such a major role in the metabolism.

The Morning After

I woke up to October today and started thinking about all the non-paleo food I've planning to eat, all the completely un-zoned meals, and all the booze I've been planning to drink.

This morning I felt no desire to eat anything other than what I've been eating for the last month. I've gotten great results (maybe not dramatic results though) from this month, and I've enjoyed the luxury of not having to worry about the effects of a single thing I ate. Once I figured out how to do it, it was really quite easy and I've eaten very well. Its really great to know that NOTHING you're eating has any ill effects on your long term health.

This morning sticking to the diet just seemed so much easier than going off. Its really become part of my lifestyle, and excluding social factors and possibly the huge lunch salad, I could live like this indefinitely.

I'll see how I feel when I'm facing sesame chicken and cottage cheese at Joe's buffet today. The next five days are probably going to be a dietary wash no matter what, but I'm forming an idea of how I'll live after that. Today I've got the drive to keep 90% of my meals clean and balanced; hopefully 5 days off the wagon doesn't diminish that.

The Last Day of September

Breakfast: the usual, bacons, egg, onions and I think only about three strawberries, so quite light on carbs.

Lunch: Ran out of chicken Monday, and Joe's was out of salmon, so I had eat the 4.8 ounces of turkey I had left for afternoon snacks. I prepared four blocks of the usual salad (spinach, green pepper, red onion, cucumber) but didn't have time to finish it before I had to run to an out-of-office work meeting. I ate an apple on the way, so carbs were probably close to five. Almonds and flax oil for fat.

Dinner: more steak and fried apples. Also a whole onion this time.

After work I picked up a new pair of jeans, my old pair--which was too small to wear comfortably to work a few months ago--are falling off me, literally. I almost need to punch a new hole in my belt to keep those on.

Before going to bed I shaved the beard I've been growing the entire month, probably the longest I've ever let it go. I went to bed and September ended, no cheats.

Steak and Fried Apples

Last night was kind of hard mentally. I was really wanting a beer and something easy for dinner, but managed to drag myself to Whole Foods to pick up some good whole foods for the last two dinners.

8 oz steak (8 blocks protein)/.5 onion caramelized (? blocks), 2 Gala apples, 'fried' in coconut oil with nutmeg and cinnamon (4 blocks)/olive oil, fish oil?

Slightly excessive in zone calories and too many fruits at the expense of vegetables.

Breakfast today:

2 slices bacon, 2 slices canadian bacon, 1 egg/~4 cups red chard (2 blocks), .5 onion, both sauteed in bacon fat/3 almonds, fish oil

Probably a block short of carbs, but I think right on for protein and fat.

Last Weekend

Zone adherence degraded over the course of the weekend, but I managed to hold onto strict paleo.

Friday night: ~10 oz steak/1 apple, 1 peach, .5 onion, half a bunch of asparagus/plenty of olive oil

Saturday morning: no breakfast, but FGB workout at the gym (score of 305)

Saturday post workout was the first time this month that I've eaten out. I realized sometime last week that I've cooked or prepared every single thing I've eaten this month, with the occasional exception of lunchtime salmon. I had half a mind to keep that streak going so I could say that I once went a month without dining out. This may not be much of an accomplishment in some locations, with some lifestyles, but for a busy person in New York, it doesn't typically happen.

After FGB everyone from the gym went to Maria's, a Mexican restaurant across the street for lunch. I checked out there menu and was able to find a few things that fit strict paleo. The place is actually great for paleo; they make almost everything they serve themselves using real foods. I decided to end my streak and eat there to round out the month and see what its like to eat strict paleo and attempted zone at a restaurant.

I ended up having a salmon fillet with a mango and jicama salad and orange sauce. I was pretty hesitant about the orange sauce, which I could just imagine being some kind of orange duck-sauce-like goo loaded with high fructose corn syrup. The waiter told me that they make it in-house with oranges and spices, so I went for it. The dish was pretty good, though not as good as the food I've been making myself this month.

For better or worse, the rest of the weekend also helped round out the experiment. Occasionally over a weekend, or a couple of week nights, I'll be extremely lazy; too lazy to go out and buy food or cook anything. I usually end up eating whatever I can find in the house after about twelve or so hours of this behavior, but this weekend I had nothing left that could form a paleo, zone meal. My other answer to this behavior is to order food from somewhere, which was clearly out of consideration.

So the rest of the weekend breaks down like this. I did go out to pick up some food later on Saturday.

Saturday dinner: .71 pounds skirt steak/half an onion, two apples (fried in coconut oil with nutmeg and cinnamon)/maybe some other fats, don't remember

With only two meals and no snacks, intake on Saturday probably didn't break 10 square blocks.

Then on Sunday, post-workout lunch: 3 slices bacon, 2 slices canadian bacon, 1 eggs/2 cups broccoli, 1 carton strawberries, half an onion/fish oil?

Not bad, but then that's all I ate Sunday. Not ideal after a FGB and heavy deadlifts. I did end up eating a handful of almonds after midnight--the only paleo thing I could find.

This morning I felt like crap: weak and tired with an empty fridge. I ran to the store and cooked the usual breakfast, plus one egg, minus broccoli and forgetting my APA, fish oil and almonds. I'm not sure if its the slightly short night of sleep or the insufficient recovery calories over the weekend, but I was definitely feeling it this morning. I wonder if that's what I have in store for the morning of October 2nd.

The diet reboot this morning did help though and energy is almost back to normal. Mental energy has been good throughout the weekend, but physically I haven't been feeling it. I remember the ride back from the deadlift workout being particularly difficult on my legs.

Today's lunch was the usual, with red onions and a peach to round out carbs and a flax oil and lemon juice dressing.