The Downward Spiral: November - March

The end of September 2008 ended up being a peak for me (or very near that). I had a good October, but come mid-November ALL spare time dried up. Initially this meant that I didn't have time to leave work early and visit my crossfit gym. I was able to keep some activity level by following the Starting Strength program in my local NYSC.

My membership to the NYSC expired on December 30th, but I had stuck with the program well and was feeling as strong as ever. Come January I was disappointed to find myself even busier than the last two months. Fortunately an office move put me very close to another NYSC; I can literally leave my desk and be in a locker room in two minutes. I signed up for a month-by-month rate, hoping to quit soon and return to crossfit, but maintain some strength (and sanity) until then. Although I didn't care for the lack of real equipent (dozens upon dozens of treadmills but only one 'rack') or the trainers (yes, I know how to squat safely), I kept at it. For about two weeks.

Then I learned what working a lot really meant. Slowly (quickly) but surely I ran out of time to even think about going downstairs to work out. At my desk at 10am, barely look up until midnight, go home, sleep a solid 8 and repeat. There was no lull in the day, no chance to workout, and all I could think about was how much more work there was to do. This continues today.

Needless to say, cooking my own, paleo food stopped a long time ago. I tried a mostly paleo friendly diet for the rest of 2008 post-Thanksgiving. This was also a Starting Strength geared diet. Actually, I would buy a gallon of milk and a whole roasted chicken every day and eat it all. I also cooked some eggs and sardines or something for breakfast. Occasionally I ate other things. Overall, mass amounts of protein and fat. It was great actually, and suits SS well.

Come 2009 things started to slide A LOT. The new office put me a bit farther from Whole Foods, and no where near an office refridgerator for many weeks. Enter: taco salads, pizza, sandwiches, kebabs. Enter deli-style egg/sausage/english muffin breakfast. Enter pizza/burger/pizza-burger/burger-pizza dinners with the whole team at the office Enter 20 more pounds of me since that sober September. And enter a shit-ton of coffee. In all, I've made up for a good month or two of clean eating and living with several more months of American-style slow death.

Fortunately, a solid grounding in paleo and zone principles has reduced the damage. I rarely eat sugar and never take it in my coffee. I never eat carb-majority meals; although the quality (and quanity) of the fats and proteins that I intake now are questionable. I could definitely be worse off. And I was a fanatic about long, high quality sleep. I kept my room perfectly dark and got at least eight hours a night. Until about March, then I needed to be at my desk before the market opens, eg 9am.

Today it is March eighteenth. Its probably been two solid months since I've stepped foot in even my NYSC. Its been three since I've been to Crossfit and four since I've crossfitted regularly. Its been six months since the sober september (holy shit), and three since I've been able to eat any degree of paleo/zone/healthy.

So now I am overweight, weak, out of shape, probably under-slept, and can't remember how to cook for myself. Crossfit.com emailed me yesterday because I had to pay the rest of my $1k registration fee for the Level 1 certification at cfsbk this week, or forfeit my spot. I had hoped to be on the road back to fitness by now, but time flies when I can't believe its almost spring already, so... whatever. I think this absurd crunch-time at work may be easing up soon (which I've thought ever week for almost half a year now), which is great because I really shouldn't go to a Level 1 cert without having seen a barbell in the last fiscal quarter.

Regardless, the last several months, as destructive as they have been for my fitness goals (see you never, 2009 East Coast Qualifier), work has actually been really great. I've grown and learned and done so much that I barely missed hitting the gym everyday, or, you know, the changing of the seasons. But now (please let it be now) its time to find a balance. Work isn't as much of a goal or committment as it is an adventure/challenge/fun time/disaster/awesome/chance to make a difference in something (that something being efficient trading processes). I love the job. But I don't have a five year plan in my head that involves making it to a certain point in my career. I don't have a career mapped out. I love what I do and I want to keep on doing it and grow my company in outrageous ways.

Ever since I found crossfit though, fitness and health have become part of my long term vision. I knew after the first few workouts-probably even before that-that I wanted to be a part of this. And that this is how I wanted to live. And I'm really looking forward to getting back to that.

So, with any luck, and, or, effort, and, or sacrifice on my part, I will return to that very soon. Hopefully soon enough that I don't embarrass myself at the certification that I'm definitely attending and have paid in full.

And the moral of the story is: at least I loved what I was doing 100% percent of the time, whether it was getting fit and learning how to take care of myself, or getting fat and learning how to be awesome at work. Seriously though, can't I have both?